Superman
by Adamantwrites
Summary: Trapper has trouble coping with a mistake at the end of a surgical procedure-but he finds someone understands and can help.


This story had been published on another site a few years ago and I had forgotten all about it. Hope that anyone who reads this Trapper vignette enjoys it.

Superman

Trapper heard the doorbell but just sat; he was sitting in his easy chair in the corner, sipping wine and waiting for the evening to fall completely. It was just becoming dusk, the time when people start turning on lights but he hadn't moved from the chair in the past two hours and the oncoming darkness reflected his mood.

"Oh, damn," he said to himself. "I don't want to see anyone." He knew it wasn't Melanie or J.T., they would have used their key. It must be Gonzo, he decided, come to try to lift his morale, so reluctantly, he stood up and with the wineglass still in his hand, went and opened the front door.

Trapper was surprised; it was Roxanne, the woman he had seen a few times and slept with fewer times-she hadn't been as easy as he had originally hoped. But he had liked her from the moment they had met, wanted her from the moment he had seen her, smelled her, heard her voice and heard her laughter but he had to admit that lately, he had been so busy that he hadn't had much time to think of her except when he was showering or starting to fall asleep. That was when he thought of her and her mouth and her body and how sweet it was to be with her-and then he would yearn for her touch.

"Well, I wasn't expecting you. What are you doing here?" Trapper was so surprised that he neglected to ask her in.

"I called your cell and it went straight to voicemail so I called the hospital and they said that you had gone home already. I tried your land line and no one answered so I was worried." She paused for a moment. "But then it looks as if you don't remember. Either that or you don't want to see me. You could have just called and canceled, you know-it would have been kinder." She reached up and pushed her hair back nervously. "Well, this is embarrassing. I should be able to take a hint, as old as I am. But anyway, I'm glad you're okay."

Trapper looked at her and then he remembered; he was supposed to meet her at Lorenzo's for an early dinner and then they were to go a play. He was embarrassed he had forgotten and it just compounded his fears about getting old. He reached out and gently pulled her in. "I am so sorry," He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Come in-please." She stepped into the foyer. "I shut off my cell and didn't even bother with the caller I.D., I just didn't answer the phone. It's been a bad day. And I completely forgot. I am so sorry-so very sorry."

She hung her purse on the coat stand next to the door. "Why is it so dark? Were you sleeping?"

"No, I wasn't sleeping-it's just easier for me to grovel in my misery in the dark. Besides, aren't low lights one of the requirements for seduction?" He drained his wine glass. "Would you like a glass?"

"No, thank you." She was still uncomfortable. After all, they hadn't known each other that long and she usually wasn't one to instigate furthering a relationship but she hadn't heard from him and he had said for her to please call him anytime-so she had and now she felt like an ass. "I really should leave," she said. "I shouldn't have dropped in on you-I just was concerned when you didn't show."

"Did you think that I'm so old that I fell down and broke a hip?" Trapper was in a hateful mood; he knew it but couldn't seem to stop himself.

"No," she said quietly. "I thought that you were standing me up and I argued back and forth with myself as to whether or not to just leave and go home or to stop by here and find out for sure. I chose to find out for sure-otherwise I'd never get to sleep tonight. I decided that if I made an ass out of myself by coming over here, it wouldn't really matter because I wouldn't see you again anyway and we live far enough away that we wouldn't run into each other."

"I am sorry," Trapper said, "and I have no excuse except that…it's been a bad day. Please, come, sit down." She walked further into the room, turned on the lamps on the end tables, and sat down. He put his arm across the back of the sofa behind her. "Did you turn on the lamps to be safe?"

She stared at him; this wasn't the same man she had dated a few times, the man she had slept with a few times, the man she liked so much. This was probably the Trapper he tried to keep hidden, the vulnerable side of him; his face looked strained and tired. And her feelings for him expanded-she could accept this side as well. And she told herself, it makes him easier to care about. "Are you all right?" she asked.

Trapper gave a small laugh that held little amusement. "No. As a matter of fact, I was going to just have a few more glasses of wine until I started feeling-all right-or at least better and that was only my third glass of wine. Can I pour you one? See, I've even forgotten my manners as well as meeting you at Lorenzo's."

"No, thank you." She sat quietly trying to assess the situation.

Trapper removed his arm from behind her and hunched over on the sofa. "You caught me at a bad time. I am feeling sorry for myself. It doesn't happen all that often but it happened today. You see, today I realized that I'm old and that soon, I'll be too old to do what I do-surgery, that is. Actually, I may be too old now. I don't like having to face it but it's true. And then add in forgetting about you and our dinner, well…"

She looked at him as he sat with his arms on his knees, his hands clasped before him. He was so handsome and she felt such desire for him. She looked at his hands, how strong they were and she remembered how it felt to have them on her and she took a deep sigh. She just wanted to take him by one of those powerful hands and lead him up the stairs.

"What happened to make you think that that you were old? And you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Trapper looked over to her and smiled sadly. "Do you really want to hear?" He wanted to tell her, needed to have someone to listen. Ernie had tried to minimize his mistake and Gonzo and the anesthesiologist, Harrell had made a joke to lighten the situation but the fact that everyone saw his error and tried to play it down was worse to him-he didn't need their sympathy-hated sympathy and that was the only thing that held him back from telling Roxanne. He didn't want her to feel sorry for him.

She told him that, yes, she wanted to hear. He pursed his lips, took a breath and then told her that he was in surgery, it was a simple bypass-he had performed it hundreds of time-could practically sleepwalk through it except that this time, this time he made a mistake. He was ready to close the man's chest and forgot a simple step and Ernie had to quietly reminded him-they hadn't counted the sponges or equipment yet-he couldn't close until they had. "But," Trapper told Roxanne, "I saw the looks the others exchanged around the table, the raised brows, the lowering of their eyes when I looked at them."

"That must have been embarrassing to you," she said quietly.

Trapper gave a quick laugh. "Embarrassing? Try humiliating. I don't know I can handle the gossip that I guarantee you is flying around the hospital; Dr. McIntyre, the surgeon previously known as the best chest cutter this side of the Pecos made a mistake. Forgot a simple step. Now how can I deal with that? I may as well resign."

"Is it really that bad," she asked, "or is it that you feel you can't be human and make a simple mistake?" She hadn't expected his reaction and was afraid that she had said the wrong thing when he stood up and faced her.

"You don't understand. I can't be human and I can't make mistakes. I work on people and they put their lives in my hands. I have to be above simple, ordinary humans-I have to be superman, infallible-and I forgot the most simple step of all."

"How did the surgery go?" She sat quietly, waiting.

He looked at her, puzzled. "It went fine."

"How's the patient?"

Trapper looked at her. She sat with a placid look on her face, calm and peaceful. "He's doing really well."

"That's good. And how many hours have you been awake and on duty?"

"I…I guess about almost two days…" Trapper gave a deep sigh. "I suppose that you're going to tell me that I'm just overtired."

"Seems plausible to me. You may be too old, not to perform surgery, but to stay up for long hours and be put through so much stress. If after all that time awake you can successfully perform a bypass, well, I think you're doing well, very well, indeed, Clark Kent, and I'd trust you with my body-anytime." She gave him a small smile.

Suddenly, Trapper laughed. He wasn't quite sure how she had done it but he suddenly felt the weight of his misery drop away. She was right of course and he had borne humiliation and embarrassment before. And his mind went back to a conversation he and Hawkeye had had years ago as they sat in their tent in the MASH compound-a conversation about growing old and back then, their fear was that there would come a time when they couldn't perform sexually-it had never occurred to them to consider a time when they might lose their legerdemain at surgery-either of hand or mind.

He sat back down beside her and smiled at her. "Oh, Rocky, I'm glad you're here. I am so glad that you're here." He leaned over and kissed her and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

She looked up at him. "I know how you can guarantee a good night's sleep," she said looking at him coyly.

He smiled down at her and kissed her on her nose. "Does this have anything to do with depleting all my sexual energy?"

"You mean sex? No. It's going to the play-I'm sure it will bore you and put you to sleep."

Trapper was confused for a moment and then he laughed, loud and long. "Rocky, I adore you, you know that?"

"No, but you can show me." She felt her pulse step up at the idea of going upstairs with him.

"The pleasure is mine." He stood up and gently pulled her up by her hands, then pressed her against him. He could smell her hair and her skin and searched for her mouth with his. She teased him with the tip of her tongue.

"How'd you like to feel young again?" she asked.

"What are you suggesting?" Trapper asked, his arms around her waist, pulling her into him.

"We could do it in your car-pretend we're at the drive-in or on a date."

Trapper threw his head back and laughed. "Where were you when I was in high school and trying to get laid?"

"I think I was in….preschool." Trapper reached down and pinched her and she jumped.

"I have a stick shift in my two-seater," Trapper said, grinning, "although that does open interesting possibilities for you, it might make things a bit cramped…"

"Oh, well," she said, "I guess we'll just have to compromise and go upstairs. How provincial." She looked up at him; she adored him and she was glad that she hadn't played it safe and tried to protect herself from embarrassment by just leaving the restaurant and going home; she was glad that she had taken the risk. And she could forgive him for forgetting about their date in the knowledge of all that had happened.

His face became serious and he looked down for a moment. "I am sorry about tonight…sorry that I forgot about our plans. I hope you can, well, look beyond this and see something ahead for us. I would like there to be something-with you."

She stared back at him, at his golden-brown eyes and their sincerity. _No wonder people trust him_ , she thought. _No one could look into his eyes and not see the honesty there-they reflect his soul._ She tip-toed to kiss him. "I think there could be something between us. Actually, I feel that there's something now." She looked down between them and he gave a small laugh.

"Why don't we," he said, "take a little trip upstairs and see how long it will take before we come down again." He could feel himself relax, could see how what had happened wasn't that important. He would have to put up with a little ribbing for a while and a few "old man" jokes but he knew now what was important. And Rocky made him happy; that and she were the most important things right now-and he decided that it wasn't such a bad day after all.

~Finis~


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